I look better without you.
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
Monday, 28 January 2013
Family.
Mom & Dad Thankyou for everything you have ever sacrificed for me to make sure I would have the life that ever little girl deserves, and ever woman can grow up to appreciate.♥♡♥
Zelda, you are my angel...I am more than incredibly blessed. Such a perfect little girl..you are my world, I would do anything for you. Always my sweetheart. ♡♥♡
Kim, you are such an amazing friend...you've done more than enough for me. I am so lucky to have you as a sister. ♥♡♥
Chris, Thankyou. You caught me just before I hit the ground and broke everything about myself that I worked so hard to make strong again. You accept me at my worst. You are my bestfriend.
♡♥♡
Saturday, 26 January 2013
Tattoos
Tattoos are sacred, I pride myself on bbeing someone who gets them for a very good reason. I have seen many stupid decisions for tattoos and granted I have one that I regret but it was a moment in my life not to be forgotten.
Now I have these words "daughter" "mother" and "friend" eventually my ring finger will say "wife"
Friday, 4 January 2013
Today is weird.
I won't explain why because I don't feel the need to explain everything.
But today is weird....my life is awkward and my mood is strange.
I'm watching cartoons because everything else is much to serious for how immature and unstable I genuinely feel.
It's the moments like these where I picture clouds turning into deformed trees and the ground talking out beneath me that I start to feel real crazy. Not the fake crazy that everyone spreads around about me but the kind that feels real...stops me from functioning.
Everyone has such a breaking point.
Everything has a limit.
I have hit my limit
*sigh* love
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Merry Christmas
Just a quick Merry Christmas from me to you.
I hope everyones Christmas is filled with joy, love and family.
The holidays aren't a time to be down so if you feel like you need someone to talk to
don't hesitate to send me an email. navitiyanah@gmail.com
Today is a lazy day for me, and so it should be for you.
So sit back, have some rum and eggnog and candy canes.
Or if your me, some Rooibos Cinnamon Vanilla tea, and Cherry Almond cookies.
Much love to you all this Christmas and may it be fuckin' totally rad.
I hope everyones Christmas is filled with joy, love and family.
The holidays aren't a time to be down so if you feel like you need someone to talk to
don't hesitate to send me an email. navitiyanah@gmail.com
Today is a lazy day for me, and so it should be for you.
So sit back, have some rum and eggnog and candy canes.
Or if your me, some Rooibos Cinnamon Vanilla tea, and Cherry Almond cookies.
Much love to you all this Christmas and may it be fuckin' totally rad.
Monday, 24 December 2012
Early morning ranting.
So here I am, completely exhausted at 5:39AM -_-
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have a normal sleep pattern again.
Yesterday I ran on 2 hours sleep and somehow didn't lose my marble.
Today seems to be going along the same path.
I guess staying awake seems to be the most logical at this point considering every single time I try to fall back asleep my daughter just starts screaming again.
I don't think I've ever been so frustrated and zombie-like in my entire life.
My husband and I jokingly say she's going to turn us into alcoholics with this routine of no sleeping.
I often ponder the idea, I'm not going to lie. Waking up in the middle of the night to tend to a screaming, not crying but...full on screaming child o_O seems like it would be much easier after having downed a few dozen spice and sprite.
Maybe then I'll finally puke on her for a change, haa!!
Some nights are better than others, I'll admit, but it seems the majority is endless hours of staring into the wall, wondering which is the easiest and fasted way to kill yourself.
BAHAHA!!! I'm completely kidding about that part obviously, but it seems to be an ongoing joke in my house at times. "Mutual suicide?"...."Nahh, too much effort."
It seems lately she will only sleep next to us, the second we put her in her bassinet...shit hits the fan.
Screaming, crying, flailing. She will do anything to get the hell out of the bassinet.
Ugh, life is going to get interesting when this genius started escaping from the crib. Shit.
There are so many wonderful things to motherhood, but so many frustrating, time consuming, angering, sleep depriving things.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that she doesn't know any better so we often sit there thinking "She hates us, she's just doing this to fuck with us. We're totally gonna make her teenage life hell for this."
Haha, just reading that back makes me feel like a horrible person, even if I really haven't done anything wrong.
No but really, mutual suicide.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have a normal sleep pattern again.
Yesterday I ran on 2 hours sleep and somehow didn't lose my marble.
Today seems to be going along the same path.
I guess staying awake seems to be the most logical at this point considering every single time I try to fall back asleep my daughter just starts screaming again.
I don't think I've ever been so frustrated and zombie-like in my entire life.
My husband and I jokingly say she's going to turn us into alcoholics with this routine of no sleeping.
I often ponder the idea, I'm not going to lie. Waking up in the middle of the night to tend to a screaming, not crying but...full on screaming child o_O seems like it would be much easier after having downed a few dozen spice and sprite.
Maybe then I'll finally puke on her for a change, haa!!
Some nights are better than others, I'll admit, but it seems the majority is endless hours of staring into the wall, wondering which is the easiest and fasted way to kill yourself.
BAHAHA!!! I'm completely kidding about that part obviously, but it seems to be an ongoing joke in my house at times. "Mutual suicide?"...."Nahh, too much effort."
It seems lately she will only sleep next to us, the second we put her in her bassinet...shit hits the fan.
Screaming, crying, flailing. She will do anything to get the hell out of the bassinet.
Ugh, life is going to get interesting when this genius started escaping from the crib. Shit.
There are so many wonderful things to motherhood, but so many frustrating, time consuming, angering, sleep depriving things.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that she doesn't know any better so we often sit there thinking "She hates us, she's just doing this to fuck with us. We're totally gonna make her teenage life hell for this."
Haha, just reading that back makes me feel like a horrible person, even if I really haven't done anything wrong.
No but really, mutual suicide.
Sunday, 23 December 2012
My return to youtube
I was sitting on my sofa one afternoon watching youtube videos and I think something clicked in that I realized I missed my youtube audience quite a bit, despite all the hate that came along with it, I truly enjoyed making videos.
Going under my old youtube name just wasn't an option, it was too closely associated with my messed up past.
I don't think that running from my past is the way to go, I have accepted it and buried it in my vault of memories.
Not so much a regret but a lesson well learned.
So here I am, making videos again and I'm thoroughly enjoying my return.
First of all I want to say thank-you to all the fans who waited for me to come back, you'll never really know how much it touches my heart that so many people have been missing me and wishing I would come back.
I mean, I don't even personally know these people and they make such a great effort to tell me how much they enjoy my videos and they're glad I'm doing well...a feeling like this can't be bought or won, it truly is a gift and I thank you all so so much for caring about me.
So over the last year my life has changed in such a positive way.
I found someone I can truly be happy with, and we had a beautiful baby girl.
I've established a normal career now with my music that doesn't drain me of everything I'm made of.
Being on a stage was too much for me, now especially having a family it just isn't an option.
On another note, I noticed youtube changed it's layout.
I like it and dislike it, because now I have to re-learn where everything is but that's okay, it'll get easier the more I upload.
So once a week I'll be doing an episode of "ASK SUM SHYT".
If you feeling like asking sum shyt you can email me at
navitiyanah@gmail.com
If you also want to make requests on subjects for videos, that's okay too.
I won't be doing skits like I used to, but I will most likely be doing video portraits once I have a better camera and more advanced software.
Anyways, I'll be blogging everyday so make sure you tune in and check out whats new.
Love you all.
xoxo
Going under my old youtube name just wasn't an option, it was too closely associated with my messed up past.
I don't think that running from my past is the way to go, I have accepted it and buried it in my vault of memories.
Not so much a regret but a lesson well learned.
So here I am, making videos again and I'm thoroughly enjoying my return.
First of all I want to say thank-you to all the fans who waited for me to come back, you'll never really know how much it touches my heart that so many people have been missing me and wishing I would come back.
I mean, I don't even personally know these people and they make such a great effort to tell me how much they enjoy my videos and they're glad I'm doing well...a feeling like this can't be bought or won, it truly is a gift and I thank you all so so much for caring about me.
So over the last year my life has changed in such a positive way.
I found someone I can truly be happy with, and we had a beautiful baby girl.
I've established a normal career now with my music that doesn't drain me of everything I'm made of.
Being on a stage was too much for me, now especially having a family it just isn't an option.
On another note, I noticed youtube changed it's layout.
I like it and dislike it, because now I have to re-learn where everything is but that's okay, it'll get easier the more I upload.
So once a week I'll be doing an episode of "ASK SUM SHYT".
If you feeling like asking sum shyt you can email me at
navitiyanah@gmail.com
If you also want to make requests on subjects for videos, that's okay too.
I won't be doing skits like I used to, but I will most likely be doing video portraits once I have a better camera and more advanced software.
Anyways, I'll be blogging everyday so make sure you tune in and check out whats new.
Love you all.
xoxo
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